Mark Clark

Music, books, plays, musicals & educational resources

Mark Clark is an Aussie songwriter, scriptwriter, voice over, author and drama coach. He was Pip in the ABC's version of Ethel Turner's Seven Little Australians.

Colin and the Rat (Oversized Mouse)

Colin has gone to America

There's a rat in the roof of my house

Colin is out of Australia

And I've got this oversized mouse.

Colin's extended horizon

Reveals tiny miles far below

While the width of this rat blocks my vision

(I hope like all fuck it don't grow.)

For Col, there's the ultimate fancy

Of shaving cream clouds far beneath

While for me there's the worry of whether or not

The bastard has nasty sharp teeth.

Or whether one night I will wake with a jolt

To the sound of this hideous bulk

Which might run at my face

In a mad rat-sac rage

The ultimate vermin- Rat Hulk!

While Colin descends top mysterious lands

Where rock bands get laid and snort coke

I'm off, down the shops to get rat-traps and cheese

(Until I remember I'm broke).

So Colin is going to parties

And living it up like a prince

Whilst I, having looked in the cupboard

Discover rat faeces and prints.

While Colin's controlling the world's biggest band

I'm inside controlling my fear

On the floorboards the scuttle

Of rats' feet on rubble

Tells me that baby rats are here.

When Colin returns to Australia's shores

To this land where we grew side by side

I'll be bashing small rodents with heavy blunt objects

Whilst kicking cockroaches aside.

Now Colin's returned from America

I've enough rats for several houses

He's lookin' 'real fine'

While I'm worried and lined

For a plague has come down on my house, yes

He's looking' 'real good'

And I'm wishing I could

Get rid of these oversized mouses.

I forgot to mention that Colin has got a broken jaw.

He'll be wired up for another few weeks and even then

He won't be able to eat solids for quite a while.

Several weeks perhaps.


Date written: 5.5.85